We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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