I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
