I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize