Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
