she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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