i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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