SEEEEXXX PLEASE
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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