Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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