I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
