Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
where does the pee come out of this thing
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i out mim tonsoeep
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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