Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
