yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I think weed is turning my hair brown
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
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