The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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