My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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