I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
