It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
