We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
