I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You can't just leave with hair like that
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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