I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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