I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
