Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
