Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
