i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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