Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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