I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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