We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
