I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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