Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
