i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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