I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
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