Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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