Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
