take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize