Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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