someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
