Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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