She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
