Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
When did we convert life to cartoon?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
