She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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