my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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