I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
When are your genitals available?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
