could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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