And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
