I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
we're making bets on your personal life
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
