Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
