this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
