I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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