my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
