We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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