Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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