I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
