We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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