Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
