i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
