Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
