and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
