Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
