Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
