i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
