I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
its not stalking. its research.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
