you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
